Oww My Fongue!
by Insert Something Witty Here
Summary: James tries to lick a cold pole in the middle of the winter! Moony, Padfoot, Prongs and Lily [Oneshot] R&R!


**Oww My Fongue!**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this, save the plot. **  
**

A/N: Was just bored this afternoon and decided to write something. Constructive Critisism would be appreciated! R&R

Ahh… winter days, they're so beautiful, what with the lazy, transparent snowflakes; the cozy, late nights reading by a hot fireplace; the steaming warm hot cocoa with marshmallows,; the annoyingly endearing James Potters stuck to poles via tongue; the fuzzy scarves and mittens… yes, winter days were just perfect at Hogwarts. Unless of course you were an annoyingly endearing James Potter stuck to a pole via tongue, which this James Potter seemed to be.

"Thiriuth! Geh your arth down here!" he screamed into a small mirror.

A distant echo of laughter flew out of a window occupying one of the imposing castle turrets as a strapping young lad leaned his shaggy head out the window. He waved.

"Geh your arth down here!" James once again screamed into the mirror.

oOoOoOo

"What are you laughing about, Padfoot?" A sandy haired boy asked the shaggy haired lad.

"Why, Moony, it seems our young deer friend has gotten himself into quite the predicament." He answered, cracking a grin.

"What did Prongs do this time?" he sighed, closing the book he was reading before Sirius had come hysterically tumbling into the room.

A muffled scream came from Sirius' left pocket. Neither seemed fazed by this, though. Sirius pointed over to one of the common room windows. Remus ambled over to it and stuck his head outside, surverying the grounds. He spotted James without much trouble, probably due to James' frantic screaming and yelling.

"How long has he been out there?" Remus asked, glancing back at Sirius, his head still hanging out the rectangular window.

"Few hours." Was his answer.

Remus sighed, grabbed his scarf and stormed out of the common room. Sirius shrugged, spotted a good looking 5th year studying in the corner and strutted over to her, expecting to soon be tongue wrestling.

oOoOoOo

Lily Evans liked taking walks; they were helpful, walks, often clearing her thoughts, leaving more time for important tasks. Which would be why Lily Evans was found that cloudy day strolling the grounds: the blistering cold grounds, currently blanketed in 30 centimeters of snow.

_I'm getting kind of cold, _she thought, _maybe I should turn back…_but just as that last phrase jumped out of her brain she heard a yell coming from the Quidditch pitch. She sighed heavily, abandoning the comforting thought of taking a nap in her probably warm bed, and turned back to go see if the person on the Quidditch pitch was alright. _Probably some idiot 1st year. Why do they have no common sense? Sometimes I hate being a prefect…_

oOoOoOo

Remus rushed down the marble staircases. _Why does it seem like they add more and more every year? _He thought bitterly as he began to run out of breath. _Dumbledore might have, you never know with him, really,_ he reminded himself.

He skidded around a corner, nearly crashing into one of the statues occupying the hall. He glanced back, to make sure no damage was done to the piece of junk. _Thank god, I thought I-_ he began in his head as he turned to look forwards again. He slammed right into Alice Price, causing the books, quills, and parchment she was carrying to explode from her small arms.

He, meanwhile, not so gracefully toppled onto her thin frame.

"Oof!"

"Ugh…" she moaned underneath him.

"Bugger." He muttered under his breath, "Alice, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to run into you, I was rushing to help James, he somehow attached himself to one of the Quidditch poles outside, I don't really know the whole story, Sirius just came laughing into my room …" he began ranting, as he rolled off of her, trying to collect her things while doing so.

She rubbed her head with her index finger and thumb. "It's fine Remus," she interupted him mid rant, "And what was that bit about James?"

"He... erm… somehow attached himself to one of the Quidditch poles outside."

She quirked one of her eyebrows.

"Long story." He said, "I think."

"Okay…" she answered slightly confused.

He started to inch past her, "Thanks for understanding, Alice, now I really have to go," he said, breaking into a brisk run. He waved back, "Sorry, again!"

"All those boys are insane." She muttered, continuing on her way to the library.

oOoOoOo

"Mmmffpphhh," James Potter muttered to himself, trying to look as utterly pissed off as he possibly could, just in case Sirius decided to show up. _I guess it's time for another go, _he thought as he prepared for another bout of wrestling with the pole, trying to free his beautiful tongue from its steely grasp.

He placed his right foot on the pole, and pushed. "Arghfff!" he screamed in agony.

_Guess it wasn't time for another go, _he thought miserably.

"Potter?" a melodious voice questioned from a few meters away. His head immediately shot up. Unfortunately, his head was currently resting on his chest as he had been practicing looking angry.

"Oww!" he screamed as his head collided with the pole. "Dith pole ith thrying foo kill me!"

"Potter…" she said, annoyed.

"Thorry Lily," he said, sheepishly.

"How…?" she asked, pointing at his tongue, a look of confusion adopting her face.

He pointed at his broom, as if that would explain anything.

She placed her hands on her hip, "Why are you pointing at your broom as though it would explain anything?"

"I wanthed to thee what the froth would tathte like." He said, throwing his hands in the air as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh, why didn't I think of it before!" she exclaimed, sarcastically.

He shrugged. "I was being sarcastic!" she yelled.

oOoOoOo

As Remus sprinted towards James' outline he could see another figure near him throwing its hands up in the air, stomping around and screaming at him. _I guess Lily found him first,_ he reasoned.

"Prongs! Lily!" Remus yelled in their direction. Lily spun around, silently thanking Merlin she didn't have to deal with 'the bumbling idiot' all on her own. James, once again, slammed his head into the pole again.

"Thod it, damn pole." He said dejectedly.

Remus surveyed the situation quietly, afterwards beckoning Lily over, "The way I see it, the only way we can get him off is by pulling him off. I don't know of a spell that gets people's tongues off of cold poles…" he whispered.

Lily nodded, becoming happier at the way the situation was beginning to sway. James Potter in pain was always a good thing in her book.

"I don't think we should tell him, though, he'll probably object." He reasoned.

Lily nodded, again, silently agreeing.

"So… I figure you can distract him well enough while I pull?" he asked, hopefully.

"Okay."

Lily walked over towards the pole and James. "Hey James?" she asked, gathering his attention, while Remus stalked silently behind him.

"Wathgoin on?" he questioned, trying to look around for Remus, "where'd Moony go?"

"That doesn't matter right now." She said, looking him in the eye. His eyes widened in shock. "James I just wanted to tell you…" she started, while Remus prepped himself, placing his hands and arms around James' torso. "I-", at this Remus pulled, "ARRGGHHHH!" James screamed.

He and Remus plopped back into the soft ground, with James clutching his jaw in mortal agony. "Oww… my fongue." He muttered, promptly passing out.

oOoOoOo

He awoke to the sound of an angel.

"Black stop trying to look up my skirt!"

"I wasn't trying to look up your skirt, Evans."

"Then you were doing what exactly?"

"I was carefully examining the chair you were sitting on. From the floor."

He heard a whack and the whimper of his best friend.

He could hear the click clacking of Madame Wilkinson's shoes as she approached the two misbehaving students.

"Will he be alright, Madame Wilkinson?" Lily asked of the healer.

"His tongue will be fine, Miss Evans."

"Thank god." She muttered.

"Why are you so overjoyed about Prongs' tongue being healed, Evans? Perhaps you share more than your stubborn personalities. A dream of snogging him has emerged, perhaps?" Sirius probed.

Another whack, and another whimper.

Insides his bed, James smiled.

Ahh... winter days, what fun.


End file.
